I should be doing work. I should be writing for school. I should be learning new music. I should be doing many many other things right now, but I needed to write this down. While it's still fresh in my mind. Cuz I don't know what it leads to or if it will just be one of those awesome snapshots in time that I can think back upon and smile, but it deserves to be written down.

I feel kinda' bad now because I made it into quite a big deal and made the poor guy completely nervous. We eased into our first date by making plans for us all to go the movies. I am not sure really how loudly we actually made that announcement, because in the end it was just me and him. Which is exactly how we wanted it anyway. And then we decided on a night. Tuesday. It was the one night of the week that I knew I was free. I wouldn't find out until later that he actually had plans that night that he blew off to be with me instead. You may already be able to see where this is going and therefore why I think it's so important to get these thoughts down on something concrete. Because I'm not. On concrete. Not really, anyway, I'm kind of floating above it...looking up at the sunshine and smiling. *spoiler alert* What do you mean, too late? Shut up and listen...this is a good story.

Later, after we'd taken it upon ourselves to decide that no one else would be joining us and which night to go, he turns to me and says "we should go to dinner before." Yes! We should! So, dinner and a movie. This sounds like a date.

We'd known each other for a few months and over the course had become friends. We chatted and flirted until one evening all the walls came tumbling down and we...sort of...found each other. And so we went on a date. A first date. And it goes a little something like this...

We met in Bryant Park. He was waiting for me, looking down at his phone, looking very dapper in his mint green shirt and non-prescription sunglasses. There were a few tentative moments before he confidently swept my hand into his, and we settled in for a stroll through Bryant Park. I was suddenly the goofy ingenue in a Nora Ephron movie. I decided to play my part to the hilt (all the while mocking myself ever so coolly because helloooo) and waved to the Empire State Building winking down at us. We wound our way through the people and the traffic to Times Square, crossing right through the middle of where we New Yorkers normally dread to go and usually avoid like a plague. We walked up Broadway while talking about Broadway (I just puked a little tiny bit. I know...you did, too) to Columbus Circle, past the fountains and the horse-drawn carriages to (get 'em ready, folks, seat pocket in front of you. There you go) Central Park. We strolled and talked and walked and held hands and laughed and joked. It was a cool, beautiful evening, too. Go ahead, take a knee...I'll wait.

We exit the park at Tavern on the Green - I'd be willing to bet we were both silently wondering if we'd ever have occasion to dine there together - and through the Brownstone lined streets of the Upper West Side we walk. Plenty of time to kill before the movie, but not enough time for a meal, so we go to one of my favorite places for a drink. And wouldn't you know it, karma ladybugs had just made available a table for two right next to the window. I swear to god, I am not making any of this up. This really happened. *floating*

The thing with the guy is? Conversation never stops. Ever. And it's always smart...and almost always funny. (Give me some credit people. I really do try, and I really like this guy, and he might actually read this, so could you please help me out a little here? Thank you.) So, BECAUSE we're both so funny (*crickets* thank you) we're usually laughing all the time. And kissing. Where we lack in absolutely anything else - Japanese, swordfighting, humor- we MORE than make up for in kissing. Oh. my. god. Chills. Chills, people. So yeah, there's talking and laughing and drinking and kissing and then it's time to go to the movies.

We saw Star Trek in IMAX.

(Stop! Where are you all going? No...wait! I am telling the truth! Don't be like that. You guys stuck with me through the Mexico trip and the Italy thing. Don't give up on me now. I KNOW my life is ridiculously, ethereally fantastic...I fully admit that. But you can't blame me for it. Okay? Okay. Thank you. Better now? You gonna' sit down and let me finish my story? Thank you. Now, where were we...)

Yes, Star Trek in IMAX...(*crickets* cool). In a completely packed theatre, we found a seat at the end of the row - but not like all the way against the wall - and with a handrail in front of us that we used as a footrest to tangled our legs up in. And there was no one on either side of us. Thank yooou, ladybugs. We curled up against each other for the whole movie, he rubbed my arms to keep them warm. Movie great. IMAX fun. So far, we're like 10 for 10.

And now we're hungry, so he gives me his coat (yes yes yes...yes, seriously) and we head the rest of the way uptown to my neighborhood and stop at my favorite pizza place which is yay! still open. Grab some slices, head home. We not watched tv on the couch and ate our pizza and talked and laughed and laughed and kissed and laughed and talked and...

I am not going to go any further because you guys are nosy and tried to leave earlier, so I am cutting you off there. I would just like to say that it was. the. perfect. first. date. Like, ever.

Meg Ryan, eat your heart out.

When in the hell did I become the Other Woman? How did this happen?

AND WHY AM I ENJOYING IT SO MUCH?

Yes, yes...I made a new little friend. And yes, my new little friend had a little girlfriend. And yes, yes...I knew about it. And yes, yes, YES...I did it anyway.

And I don't regret it. I have spent SO much time worrying about my karma that I may have missed out on some really fun earth-bound adventures. I am a good person. My karmic footprint has GOT to be positive for the sheer fact that I work so hard at it. And I'm realizing, after some reflection, that I can not be responsible for other people's karma. If some dude is gonna' step out on his woman, that is his cross to bear. I never want to cause someone pain--but I also can't live my life for other people.

Now I find myself embroiled in this phenomenon where most of the guys I connect with are in a relationship. And I don't care. It happens. It happened to me. It hurt like hell, but it happened.

When it happened to me - when I encountered the Other Woman in my relationship - I was defiant and betrayed. "I would never do that!" I screamed. Wah wah boo kitty. You know what? I have done it. I lied. I have done it and I just did it and I will probably do it again. Everyone does it. It happens. I am not so special that I could prevent it from happening to me. Because look...now I, High and Mighty MaryLou McGee, have done it, too.

Maybe that is why I am enjoying this. Maybe that is why I am able to tuck my conscience away. Maybe being hurt by infidelity is giving me a sense of entitlement. Maybe it's not as bad as I've always thought.

I'll tell you what...this has forever altered my view of - and my desire for - a relationship. I'm having a very difficult time believing that anyone is truly faithful. I don't know if I really even WANT to be in a relationship or get married when it seems inevitable our monogamy will fail. But I also find that I am re-examining how important fidelity really is. Letting go of some of my longest and most-firmly held beliefs about relationships is disappointing, but also liberating in a way. I'm not gonna' choose to be the Other Woman...but fuck all if I'm not gonna' enjoy it if I am.

I feel like I am walking a fence. A very thin fence high off the ground. And when I get even slightly off balance, it is a sudden and dramatic fall. Sometimes I fall on the side where the grass is plush and green. (HA...isn't that always the other side?) And sometimes I fall on the side with the razor wire. Just depends on what knocked me off balance in the first place which side I land on, I suppose.